Each painful moment in life renders one helpless at the beginning. A break up can hurt you, no matter how much you try to make yourself believe that it doesn't. A breakup will also make you go through five stages of healing just like losing a loved one. Some cope faster while others remain paralyzed with the pain. These stages of healing are is not a time frame but is a guide to help you reflect on the healing process.
Denial. You'd probably be in a state of shock once you realize you had a breakup. It will keep you thinking what you have done to be in a hurtful situation. Pain is very very difficult to handle at the beginning so you try to numb yourself. You will drown your sorrows with drinking, partying, and dating other people. You'll feel good for a while but the pain will come back to haunt you again.
The stage of denial is normal after a breakup. In a way, you are simply trying to protect yourself from the pain by not accepting the reality right away. This is just a temporary stage that will usher you to experience the other process of healing.
Anger. After the denial comes the realization of truth. You are slowly acknowledging the fact that you have just been jilted. Denial is now replaced with anger.
Anger can make you do things that you will regret later on if it gets out of control. If left bottled up, it can make you even more frustrated at the world. Anger can make you sick if not expressed. Every person express anger differently. Thee are people who scream out in rage. Others use it as a way of creative self-expression or self-improvement. Whatever your case may be, use your anger to accomplish greater things. You can keep yourself busy and productive.
Bargaining. This is perhaps the most pitiful part of the recovery process but is however necessary. Negotiating entails revisiting the past and inventing ways to make your ex come back to you. Regardless of if you think that you do not really wish to get back with your ex, your subconscious tells you that you must contact your ex to return his stuff. It looks paradoxical, but actually, the negotiating period is the bit where plotting plots are lots. You can 'casually ' drop by his fave spot and 'accidentally ' bump into your ex. It may be something that screams desperation"like inventing a scenario which needs your ex's swift attention.
Whatever the case might be try your best to avoid those shaming situations. Surround yourself with friends who will help you move thru the process of healing. Cutting all method of communication with your ex is an important facet of healing. If you find yourself reaching for the telephone, leave your place and do something productive instead.
Depression. Depression is the bit where you are feeling extremely sorry for yourself. This is the time when you may feel most valueless as you don't feel loved. Depression begins when your negotiating for another shot at love isn't heard. But whether you want reconciliation or not, depression will continue to be part of your process of healing.
Folks do stupid things when they are depressed. Too much drinking and boogieing will make you feel much worse in the final analysis. Irrespective of how depressed you may be, avoid doing things that might harm you or your reputation. If you want to remain within your house for a week, so be it. Pour out all your feelings into a journal or release your depression by doing something creative.
Acceptance. Acceptance is the final stage of the process of recovery and the one you've been waiting to happen. Once you've accepted that your relationship has finished, you'll feel at liberty. You'd be surprised at how robust you became after going through all that pain. This is also a good time for you to bring good change into your life.
Once you've moved through the 5 stages of healing, you can look back to your past and say, "I'm a stronger and better person now. I'll handle anything that comes my way." With every struggle that you have got to go through, a reward appears in the end.
Patricia Crain is actively learning about personality development especially in the forming of relationships. She enjoys giving advice on dating, breaking up and coping with a breakup.