Insights for Singles Looking for Love

The most severe form of compensational relationship is singledom. Now, please don't assume that all people who are in some form of relationship and that all people who are single, are in some sort of compensational trouble. That's too broad, but if a single person still hurts at the sight of their ex partner being happy, still blames their ex for break up, or still wishes that relationship had not broken up, with guilt or resentment, they are definitely in compensation mode in the next relationship, unable to turn up.

Compensators are people who live in a form of relationship that is in some way a reaction to the past. It may be theirwish to be free from heartbreak (bruises) or in control as a way to avoid being taken advantage of. Control is the most common form compensation. It seems that the more vulnerable some people feel the more control they require in relationship. This, in stark contrast to intimacy, is a form of sexualised or emotionalised expectations. It leads to the discovery that sometimes the most sexually enthusiastic partner is really just the most reactive, compensating person.
Love and vulnerability to heart break are friends. The less vulnerable a person is to heart break, the less they love, it's as simple as that.