Emotional Affair Or Friendship

In a marriage, what are the limits for friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Who sets these limits? What is the difference between a friendship and an emotional affair? Is an emotional affair wrong? Does an emotional affair help the marriage by letting a partner vent out all emotional frustration, which otherwise he/she would not have done with his/her spouse? Or does it kill the marriage?

What is an emotional affair?

Most of us have friendships. Many of us are very close in some friendships. We share quite a lot in such friendships. But when one develops such a close friendship with one from the opposite sex, it can be termed as an emotional affair. Sharing intimate emotional details with someone of opposite sex is called an emotional affair. This the the common definition. It also includes the clause that you are keeping your partner unaware about the emotional bond you share with someone else.

Does it hurt marriage?

It hurts marriage if after knowing about the details shared, the spouse feels that mutual trust was violated. If the emotional affair becomes strong, it may so happen that one may begin sharing more emotional details with one’s friend than with one’s spouse. That hurts the spouse and may also lead to a break-up.

Why do people have emotional affair?

It is being debated that emotional affair is purely emotional or it is begun because of physical attraction. Does one need a friend of opposite sex to share emotional details? Why not one of your own sex? And why does one feel uncomfortable with one’s spouse about this bond? All pointers go in one direction – an emotional affair may be the way one wants to begin a physical relationship with another outside marriage. Otherwise if one want to have emotional sharing, or to vent out feelings, one can easily consult a psychiatrist and tell all to feel relieved and get advice. Or one can chose a friend of the same sex.

How to avoid an emotional affair?

One who is involved in an emotional affair needs to ask ownself- is this only emotional? Why do I need this person to talk about everything? One must reflect. Talk it out with one’s spouse. Let your head control your heart for a moment and think about the marriage and the bond. This may help in better understanding of the emotional affair and coming out of it.

Saying sorry after having an emotional affir is the first step. Send these eCards to say Sorry and begin rebuilding your marriage.

I Cannot Believe Myself,

Being Dumped Just Plain Sucks

Hurricanes really suck. Even if they do not reach you, they still threaten your safety net. Florida survived last years attack of Mother Nature, so we are a little more courageous this year. Not much, but a little. I would love to meet the person that pissed her off (Mother Nature). Not only does she get even, but she does it with a vengeance. That’s like PMS & Menopause all rapped up. So, for all you poor souls that are in for that ride(PMS & Manopause), and have no clue what it is all about, think hurricane. It can turn in a second and destroy you. Oh, and it has many names also, like bitch, nag, crazy, nuts, annoying, female, insane, messed up, pms’ing, hallucinating, on drugs, stupid bitch, mentally challenged, and that’s just a few, except they are not in an alphabetical order like the hurricanes. OK so we are disorganized. BITE ME! You seriously have to be PMS`ing to be able to understand (winks). I can only hope that everyone gets as many laughs as I have so far typing this.

OK, now onto more serious matters in life. Today I received a question from a guy. Here is what he said:

“Posted by Anonymous 

The last woman I was involved with was quite full of herself. 

So then why did she dump me?”

And my answer to him was this… “Posted by Dorothy 

Hey there, sorry to hear about your being dumped. Not knowing either of you, it is really hard to answer that question. There are many reasons for people walking away from a relationship. It could have plain worn out. Also they could have found someone else. Either way, it sucks, and you have to deal with the pain, and learn to get on with your life. It is a challenge, but it does make you aware, of what being human is all about. There is a saying; “If it doesn`t kill you. it will only make you stronger.” Also I am a firm believer in: ” Things do happen for a reason.” Hang in there, things will get better, if you let them. Take Care and thank you for sharing that with me.” 

“Being Dumped” really is one of the worst experiences, short of death that we, as humans are faced with in our lives. They say that, death of a loved one is easier to learn to live with, than a break-up , “Being Dumped” or rejection.

All of the above, tell us that we are unacceptable to someone. We immediatley turn it into ourselves and that’s when the self-blame seed is sown. Through self-blame we begin to feel shame. Shame is so painful, that no one talks about it or even wants to think about it. Shame is the least identified emotion we as humans deal with, because we are ashamed of our shame. Shame, is yet another negative emotion, that captures and imprisons us in a pit of hell. It pulls us into a life of silence and inactivity, lying and hiding our true fears. When we are rejected in any situation, it is a true hit to our self-esteem. If we are weak in that area, then our fall is going to be very hard. If we are strong in that area, we will quickly become weak. I wrote this in a recent blog:

“When we first fall in love; What is that saying, “Love is Blind”? Ha! Now that’s funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.”

So there it is, we as humans, live to love and want to be loved. We are blinded by the romance of the word ~ LOVE~. We are made happy by the word~LOVE~, but we are also hurt by the word ~LOVE~. So why do we continually set ourselves up? We are gambling, and we do not even know it. Or, is life simply just that, a gamble? The bottom line is, no one wants to get “DUMPED”, because it is not in our nature to know how to accept it. How many of you have been, “DUMPED” and just knew that your life had ended? You just knew that you will never see anything the same again. Well, you were partly correct there. It is like any other change in our lives. Things will be different than we are use to. Your life has definitely not ended. Yes, your partnership has ended with a person, and maybe it was not expected, but nor are hurricanes or wars. We deal with it all, we have to. We chose to survive. Think of it as starting a new life. Newness is positive and healthy. Look at things differently, and embrace all that newness. Do not fear it. “BEING DUMPED”, is just another chapter in your book of life. If you had no chapters, think how dull your book would be. Now, you can open your self to another chapter, and believe me, there are many. If you spend the rest of your life wondering all the “WHY`S”, just think, you have wasted even more of your precious time on something that has chosen another road. As for the fact that a person is, full of themselves, that really has nothing to do with the “Why’s” of “Being Dumped”. Even the most confident people close doors on relationships. They in fact, have more courage to do so than a person of less confidence, or being less full of themselves, so to speak. Who Knows? All we know is that the decision has been made and you as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling just makes therapists rich. (wink) Life offers many, many humps and bumps. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to get real good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt. This is life. I told my daughter, when she was struck by her first cupids arrow, “If you are going to get emotionally involved, be prepared to get emotionally uninvolved.” It’s life! One very important thing we must remember; when we are at the bottom and we feel we are worthless and will never ever TRUST again, it’s is a nothing more than a human emotion. We know it as doubt. We can over come doubt very easily. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself, that you are UNIQUE, and you are going to make happiness your goal. You must risk all the falls to reach that goal. Letting yourself believe that you are deserving of another relationship is truly a risk, again another gamble. But what is life without a little risk? We have the power to overcome our negative self. We just need to DO IT!!

You Can Reach For The Stars With A Long Distance Relationship

So your significant other took that job on the other side of the globe? Studies show 1 in 10 relationships are considered long distance. Don't fret; with all the different styles of communication, you'll be able to keep in touch with your loved one more as if they were still at home. By utilizing a few techniques to keep communication open, there will be nothing your love can't conquer.

• Set Your Foundation in Stone
If you both agree of continuing your relationship, you need to figure out the "style" of your relationship. Do you both agree that you're dating, married, seeing each other, "friends with benefits"? Once the boundaries are set in place, other questions like, "What do we want the outcome to be," or, "Do I see us lasting in the future," will be a lot easier to answer.
Make sure trust is established in the relationship and you have a strong foundation to build upon. Stay trusting and try your best to not get jealous over time spent socially with others. The more tremulous you feel your relationship is, the harder it will be to maintain it. You should never feel the need to question the people your lover associates with. If you ever feel distrustful of any actions, talk it out. If you go into a long distance relationship with someone you do not completely trust, it cannot develop and may unheedingly end badly.

• Always Be There
Don't forget the definition of a relationship: being available for your partner. Although you aren't in the same house, locale, or state; you will have to help your other half through tough times, and good. Make sure that you both have a generalized schedule of the other, so you know when they will be home.
Conquer the distance by visiting as often as possible. Make sure birthdays, anniversaries, and special holidays are spent together. They may not be the same day, but within the week of the event, spend it with your lover. If all else fails, give one other a small item as a momentum as a reminder they are being thought of. Handmade key chains or small everyday items work wonders for long distance relationships.

• Schedule "Play Dates"
Just as you aren't together doesn't mean you have to sacrifice activities you enjoy. Through the beauty of Skype and the Internet, you can always do something with your loved one. Free game sites, Interactive games, and DVR; you can keep up with your favorite drama or movies together, and continue to hold your high score in Scrabble.
The more effort that is made into keeping in touch, the stronger your relationship will grow. While you're at it, call/message more than once a day. For the little things in life, keep the other involved, they'll feel closer and build a stronger set of feelings for you when you include them in your life.

• Rest Assured
Stay confident, think good - not bad. Things can evolve and settle into routine, so enjoy the time you have together (and apart), and continue developing yourself. Stay in touch with friends and family, and don't wait by the phone or computer. Just because you're in a long distance relationship, doesn't mean you need to base your entire life around it.
For some, long distance relationships offer opportunities that traditional arrangements may not.
Take this time apart to work on goals, finish a novel, or build on something the other enjoys; like cooking or sewing.
Set little goals for one another, and work on accomplishing them, it will feel the both of you actively engaged in the relationship. Competition is never a bad thing. If you both are completely serious on making the long distance work, then everything will work out in good time.

Designer Relationships

The Elements and Principles of Designer Relationships (Part 1)

The concept of a Designer Relationships may sound frivolous on the surface but in this article you see a demonstration of the parallels between relationships and the Elements and Principles of Design.

Art and Life reflect each other with such precision that it really is difficult to say whether they truly are separate things. For the sake of argument, we will treat them as though they are. In general the goal of both Design and Relationships are the same, harmony. This is what ultimately attracts or repels us from people, places and things.The tricky part is how social/cultural ideals move and shift our perspective on what is identified as harmonious.

In American society, where free thought is popular (if not encouraged), the diversity of perspectives is even more pronounced than usual. With this in mind it is easy to see why we have challenges finding friends or lovers that share are values in relationships or what art may constitute a thing of beauty. The nuances of artistic perception play directly into attitudes toward romance, communication, insight and, at times, compassion.

The elements discussed here are components of universal law. They represent the base material we all work with to create our collective reality. What we are actually seeing is that the same tools we use to create/invent things of beauty and advance function in the world around us are the same tools the "Intelligent Designer"used to create us.

As we emerge from the adolescence of our species, it is fast becoming a time where we are consciously making our own decisions about what and who we are. We are becoming self-aware creators in our own right. This article dares to lift the veil and shed light on the subject of our awakening.

Line:The first installment of universal source code.

In design as well as relationship line is the component of law with the greatest influence on final structure. Line gives us direction, allows us to make connections between points, people, ideas and so on. It divides space, establishes boundaries, thought processes, creates patterns and adds flare. Line defines the expression. It is the bones.

The behavior of the line tells us whether or not something is balanced. Careful observation of the line is primary to good relationships and beautiful designs. Look at the line. Is it long? Is it flexible? Is it thick or thin?The answers to these questions reveal your directions, follow them.

The misapplication of the laws of line result in what we have come to be very familiar with and that is problems. In quantum spiritual language it would go something like this; the misapplication of line creates a distortion, imbalance or dissonance in the energy field (fabric) of your relationship/design. If you recognize these events in any aspect of your life, younow know what is happening. Understanding is another matter entirely.

As we follow the line's transition from point to point, around bends and back again, the first dimension of our journey comes to a close and gives rise to the phenomenon of shape.

Shape: 2nd Dimension

When we first meet a person we establish a line of communication. A continuum of exchange begins between the two. In this moment we are collecting information, gauging the boundaries, discussing the terms. If we find enough aspects to convince us to pursue further, things begin to take shape. We start to decide how we want to relate to this person, who you are as a unit. Shape is the form or format we use to relate, determining the inner space or internal environment of the relationship. It is the mysterious emptiness where things start to grow, setting up perameters that can take the form of a prison or a palace. To keep your relationship in shape, start with lines that are strong and well defined. Respect and awareness are the glue that holds the integrity of the shape you've created.

Certain forms/shapes do not work on certain figures. Square pegs and round holes come to mind. I wouldn't recommend this to a friend. This may be hard to believe but we don't need conflict to add interest to our interactions. Sometimes we do wonder if we should force it, we settle, we allow opportunity to be swallowed by doubt. Do not doubt that we can find the people, places and things with the right angles and curves for a comfortable fit. When they make the round hole there is usually a complimentary peg that goes with it.

Color: Dimension 3

Stimulating complexities come alive as we enter the third dimension of relationship building. The full spectrum of our relationships can be seen from this perch. The true flavor of the interaction comes to light, nothing is just black or white here. Culture, political views, gender roles and personal history plays into the the color that your relationship takes on. With this element we see why we are together, it expresses the personality of the relationship. The temperature, value and intensity of hue can be seen. Sense of humor, levels of intelligence, eloquence, etiquette, sex appeal are only some of the things that add color and fun to the relationship.

In this realm it is easy to become dazzled and distracted by the illusions that color can create. Through observation of the aspects of color we gain understanding of the reasons that brought us this far. It takes all angles of the prism to create a full spectrum revelation and allow the true colors to shine through.

Texture: 4th Dimension

This is the outcome. How do we feel in this relationship? What effect is it having on us? Is it rough, hard, stiff or luxurious, romantic, healthy? The most sensual qualities of the union are revealed in texture. In the fourth dimension of creation it is crucial to know, with clarity, what each sense is telling you. You must know your heart from your head, your spirit from your subconscious, your ego from your true self. When a person is a sophisticated observer of texture, a liar will only be fooling themselves. The person who recognizes texture will know just what you're made of. They'll know whether you are natural or synthetic and whether or not they hold in their hands a thing of quality.

Textures are created in certain ways, made of particular fibers. Processes can be applied to soften a fabric or exchange between people but no matter what you do you will not make satin out of wool. Texture will show us exactly where we stand at the end of the proverbial day.

The Elements of Design or Designer Relationship can be used to conceal the truth or reveal it. The seasoned observer can extract the truth of the matter however, your response to the realities of your relationships also have laws found in the follow up article Principles of Design (Part 2 of Elements and Principles of Designer Relationships ).

View the original article here